Schmuck...That's Right! Frank Schmuck

Photo: Brant Clinard, Ahwatukee Foothills News

While driving to work one day, my brother (who I carpool with) pointed out a sign that read.

"Vote Schmuck...That's Right! Frank Schmuck".

I laughed out loud for several minutes and made several jokes with my brother ("They let any schmuck run for office these days", "Boy, another schmuck in office...what's so new about that?" and so on and so forth). Then I began to realize how genius the ad campaign is. How many more people will remember a sign for a guy with the last name Schmuck?! It seems to me that if you have a last name like Schmuck, you've got to use it to your advantage.

On, Mr. Schmuck's website there is a note about the origin of the name Schmuck (German for jewel or jewelry...which makes me wonder how it got the negative conotation it has in the US). This lead me to wikipedia, where I found the following article explaining how schmuck came into the English language from Yiddish. (Yiddish is a cool word by the way).

Anyway, I don't know much about Mr. Schmuck in terms of his positions on issues, nor do I live in his voting district, but he has my support purely on the merits of his ingenious play on his last name.

Dirty Little Secret 5

This is another really really shameful song that I like. I just looked up the video for the first time today and it made me like this song even more. There are just those songs that you wonder what the crap makes you like them and this is one of them. I can seriously listen to this song over and over, much to the chagrin of my wife I am sure.

I don't know that there is anything I can say to redeem myself from this song, so I leave it up to you, the reader to find one thing you like about this song. Just one little thing!

Sadly...I can find many...

Poop Freeze

I really hope the people who came up with this product make a lot of money off of it. I'm not saying that because I would ever buy some, nor would I ever probably use it. We don't generally take my dog on walks where he drops a load (nor are his loads that bad to deal with since he weighs a whole 4 pounds).

The sales pitch by the inventor must have gone something like this...

Inventor: "So, I have this product that will make it easier for dog owners to retrieve the dog waste while they are out on a walk. It will completely revolutionize taking your dog for a walk!"

Company: "Some sort of pole that you can carry to make it so you don't have to bend over? Maybe some sort of device to instantly desinigrate the feces so you don't have to deal with it at all?"

Inventor: "No, even better! It's a spray can that you spray the feces with to freeze it!"

Company: *blank stare*

Inventor: "Frozen feces will be much easier for people to get a handle on and the feeling is much better, no one likes picking up the warm feces from the ground."

Company: *blank stare*

Inventor: "The best part is the name I came up with, are you ready for this?! 'Poop Freeze'!"

Company: *blank stare*

If you, or anyone you know has ever used 'Poop Freeze,' please leave a comment with your experience.

Also, here is the website and commercial.

http://www.poop-freeze.com/

Dirty Little Secret 4

This one is a whopper. I should prepare you for this one. This is probably the one I am most ashamed of liking. The sheer crap factor that this band has is roughly a 10 on a scale of 1 to 5. They are horrible, and yet I love this song.

The first time I heard this song, I thought it was a remix of a Jackson 5 song, which ups the respectability of the song (a little) because it would have originally been done under the Motown label. Come on, Motown people!

Later I found out who really sings the song (after I had downloaded it and listened to it for a while) and I was floored. I had heard of the band, and participated with my friends in making fun of them.

My wife even has a story about them where a friend mentioned that he didn't like their music but the one chick was hot. Note, there are no chicks in the band.

So, for the big reveal I'm going to leave it to you to go to the YouTube link below and see the stinker of a song that I can listen to over and over and over and not get tired of it. I must have sinned in my childhood to like this song.

Video

This one is not embedded because the people over at Universal wanted to keep this gem all to themselves.

Dirty Little Secret 3

Donna Lewis - I Love You Always Forever

My wife recently asked me why most of my dirty little secret songs are sung by women. It made me pause and consider for a moment, until I realized it was pretty simple. Women don't generally sing the kind of music that is in my normal genre areas (rock varieties such as alternative, hard, etc). Also, much of the other music I listen to is mostly instrumental (jazz, classical, etc) so, this leaves little room for women singers to be in my main genres. They fill up my dirty little secrets rather well though.

This dirty little secret is and older song, 12 years old in fact. I was 15 years old 12 years ago. This is a song that I don't really know why I like it so much. Her voice is soft and sweet and the rhythm is nice, but that's not usually enough to get me hooked. Perhaps its the "girl next door" nature of Donna Lewis. She sounds like a nice girl that lives down the street.

Anyway, the video is below. Her hair and clothes are awesome 90's clothes. Good times.